Showing posts from December, 2020

Let's Blow This Place Up

My biggest fear in starting this blog was making all sides angry.  I’m generally a person who likes to be liked. I’m afraid that birth parents and adult adoptees will want to face stomp me for running my already privileged voice. Do we really need to hear from one more white adoptive mother? And I’m afraid the pro-adoption adoptive parents will hurl rainbows and unicorns at me until I bleed red—orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink.  A therapist I know ran a youth crises center for 20 years. She’s always encouraging me not to be afraid to do or say the hard stuff—not to fear conflict. She would tell her staff to do what needed to be done even if it upset others: “Let’s blow this place up.”  So to birth parents and adoptees, I know you are the least heard and have the least power in the triad. I know I did not experience the trauma of being ripped from my birth family as an infant or child. Likewise, I did not have my infant or young child taken from me. I came to adoption as an adu

Favorite Books by Adoptees and Former Foster Youth

A Piece of Cake: A Memoir by Cupcake Brown Amazon summary: Orphaned by the death of her mother and left in the hands of a sadistic foster parent, young Cupcake Brown learned to survive by turning tricks, downing hard liquor, and ingesting every drug she could find while hitchhiking up and down the California coast. She stumbled into gangbanging, drug dealing, hustling, prostitution, theft, and, eventually, the best scam of all: a series of 9-to-5 jobs.  A Piece of Cake is unlike any memoir you’ll ever read. Moving in its frankness, this is the most satisfying, startlingly funny, and genuinely affecting tour through hell you’ll ever take. Etched in Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island by Regina Calcaterra  Amazon summary: Regina Calcaterra is a successful lawyer, former New York State official, and foster youth activist. Her painful early life, however, was quite different. Regina and her four siblings survived an abusive and painfu

How It All Began: Deciding to Adopt

I decided to adopt children from foster care when I was in elementary school—I’d guess around age 8. I thought, “Why bring more kids into the world if there are kids here without permanent homes?” I guess I was a budding white savior? We were definitely raised to be do-gooders.  For most of my life, I thought nurture was the most important part of parenthood. I never cared whether I’d be blood related to my future kids. I wanted the experience of raising them.  To her amusement, I’d tell my big sister, “I don’t want to do what you have to do to have kids.” She thought I meant sex, but I meant childbirth. That alone was another reason adoption sounded good to me as a kid!  Growing up white, middle class and with highly educated parents, I had a lot of privileges. I didn’t fail at many things. School came easily to me. What I put my mind to, I’d usually achieve. I’m organized and driven.  I check boxed my way forward—career, marriage, house. Then it was time. Home study, AdoptUSKids inqu